What is it about me?

What is it about me that blows out every
flame I lit
And evokes boredom where there once was passion
And disgust where there once was love

What is it about me that scares people
away
Into the woods
Into the darkness
Or is it me who brings the darkness?

What is it about me that makes girls
giggle
On the schoolyard
At parties
In the back of the bus

What is it about me that makes men want to play me
like a game of chess where the king checkmates the queen
And then smash the board against the wall
Because the silent joy of a victory does not compare to the satisfaction of destruction

What is it about me that brings teachers
in rage
And makes their eyes look hollow
When they follow me to the blackboard
Screeching chalk
That creeps into their heads

What is it about me that disturbs my lovers
My demons
haunt parts your tongues can’t reach

What is it about me that brought
rainclouds to my hometown
A stain on the map
We chased her away

What is it about me that finds pleasure in pain
And comfort in agony
Because licking my wounds in retreat
keeps me away from the battlegrounds

What is it about the world
that makes me question myself

so much?

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