#4

People always gave me a really though time – especially at school –  because I didn’t really talk that much. I was more of an observer, a day-dreamer, but my mind was far from being absent. 
However, everyone, everwhere, was always like
„Speak up!“, „Talk more!“, „Fit in!“, „are you okay? you never talk, you must be really troubled“ etc.

My calmness was always seen as a weakness. People either thought I was stupid, arrogant, depressed, or all of it at once.

Now I’m at peace with my quiet personality. I have started to embrace silence long ago.

But I guess it became easier through sort of an epiphany I had after I had taken mushrooms for the first time. When the drugs kicked in I slipped into a horror trip, that was worse than I imagined things like that could get.

But when the drug started to wear off slowly it felt as if I had suddenly understood life. I couldn’t quite grasp it with words what I felt and I still can’t to this day, but it felt like a sudden glimpse into my own universe, my sub-consciousness, as if I was able to read the screenplay and not having to improvise anymore.

Suddenly I also understood schizophrenic people, the so-called weirdos and the alleged crazy. I understood why some people choose to only talk to their own voices and to no one else anymore. Because your own voices are the realest thing to you. No one knows if other people perceive the world the way they do, if they hear and see the same way. No one can be sure what that really is, that surrounds you, never. But your inner truth is a hundred percent you. It’s you and how you perceive the world. Ever noticed how you need less and less words the closer you get to a person? Communication and words distort everything.

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